day 10

Tonight I will be off to do some cardio, round 2 of the day. I was feeling pretty good about everything at the beginning of this week . Trying to stay positive. Then after throwing up all over the gym, I Kind of back tracked a bit. Even though I told EVERYONE I know about it, trying to brush it off as funny, it’s really not and I’m mortified to be honest. I’m ashamed of my body, and I so want to be able to do the things my trainer makes me do, without almost passing out. I’m pushing my body to the limit each time I train. I’m exhausted. My body hurts, I’m emotionally exhausted!!

My kitchen is DISGUSTING, I have so much laundry to do. I’m lucky my kids got fed, and homework done this week (though they’ve been soooo good about it, “mommy are you going to be pretty and skinny like me?!”

I feel like I’ve neglected everyone. I haven’t talked to Nick at all this week, besides our short time together while we drive to work in the morning. By the time I’m home I’m to tired to even kiss him goodnight. I crawl up the stairs have a shower and fall into bed. I realize there are only 6 more weeks of this, but in reality I’ll have to do this until I’ve lost all this weight, which could be past my Birthday If I’m honest with myself.

But on the positive side, I feel physically better (sore, but better) I haven’t had a head ache in a week, and I’ve been sleeping like a baby. My clothing feels a bit looser, so I know I’ve lost inches, so hopefully I’ve lost some lbs, because tomorrow is weigh-in day.

Everyone listen – 8am B101. I’m on Tara’s team – and if you hear my voice that means I’m the loser, the Ultimate Loser.

Wish me luck.