One year. My god, I can't believe it's been a over a year.
Since I wrote THIS post.
Since I all of a sudden got some super human willpower to have the ability to get through 3 months of drinking shakes only.
Since I decided "hey, working out isn't so bad"
Since I replaced one addiction (food) for another (the gym).
In 100 years, I would never have imagined I would be where I was today. I had hoped. So many nights of going to bed thinking "when I'm skinny", or "when I'm under 200 lbs" I will be so happy, and have these pretty clothes, and everyone will love me, and life will be perfect.
Well, I do have pretty clothes. But now I'm constantly thinking about said clothes. How does my waist look, how does my ass look, can you see my saggy arm skin, do these stripes make me look fat.
WTF? Before, at 320 pounds I would put clothing on and that was it. I was fat, and I dressed my fat body in basically whatever I wanted. I didn't have to ask if I looked fat in it. What a stupid question, of course I did, I WAS 320 POUNDS! But, I looked cute in my fat clothes and didn't give a shit.
I'm way more stressed now and that is not good. The last two months I've had one hell of a time mentally. I've basically been in a plateau (completely my own fault) since December. I've gained and lost the same 10 lbs over and over. Because of binging. I keep trying different things and they work for a week and a weekend hits and something happens and I eat everything in my house. Currently right now I'm 7 days binge free, and I consider this a win. Because that's the longest in months I've gone. This will not be fixed by shakes. By beachbody, by optifast, by waist trainers, by whatever booty program you want to sell me. It will be a constant battle for the rest of my life of me trying to maintain a healthy relationship with food and not self medicating with pizza. THANK GOD my program I'm on comes with the social worker because I need her badly. And our support group monthly.
So - part of my 'don't binge eat' and find something better to do program, I'm getting back to blogging. I'm going to join in on link ups. I'm going to start reading again and not binge watching Netflix and putting my energy into productive things and not time wasters (I mean I'm not totally giving up TV don't be ridiculous) but just maybe less of it.
So. What kind of stuff should I blog about (you know besides weight loss/food/working out and my kids). Anything else? Who even reads this shit? Comment below :)